PARAPROSDOKIANS...

 

A fun read of you have time.  :)

                              PARAPROSDOKIANS...  

(Winston Churchill loved them)  are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is  surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.

1. Where there's a will, I want  to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do  is hurt you, but it's still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster  than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them  speak.

4.  If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we  only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who  is right - only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a  tomato is a fruit.  Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit  salad.

8.  They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why  it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one  person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. Buses stop in bus stations.  Trains stop in train stations. My desk is a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a  career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. In filling out an  application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put  'DOCTOR.'

13. I didn't say it was your  fault.  I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal  to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut,  and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man  is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another  woman.

16.  A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. You do not need a parachute  to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

18. Money can't buy happiness,  but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

19. There's a fine line between  cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

20. I used to be indecisive.  Now I'm not so sure.

21. You're never too old to  learn something stupid.

22. To be sure of hitting the  target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

23. Nostalgia isn't what it  used to be.

24. Change is inevitable,  except from a vending machine.

25. Going to church doesn't  make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.  

26. Where  there's a will, there are relatives.
                  And mine is...I'm  supposed to respect my elders, but its getting harder and harder for me to  find one  now.